At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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