Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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