I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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