please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
