I accidentally had phone sex last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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