just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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