dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
