i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
