he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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