I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize