You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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