it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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