What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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