so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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