I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
