Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize