also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
