yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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