My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
