Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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