1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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