a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
