He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
