The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
