wanna go halves on a baby?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
