Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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