the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
