so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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