I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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