he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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