Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
