I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
