Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
