he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
