I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
