But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
