do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
