I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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