So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
