This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
