I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
