we're chasing vodka with high fives
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
