just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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