Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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