I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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