I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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