Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
