I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize