Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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