I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize