According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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