make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
