I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
