you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
