Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
