Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
