i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
