I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
