just tell him i said nine months
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
