i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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