so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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