I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
