he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
