I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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