Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
