Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
