I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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