She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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