dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize