Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
