is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
