its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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