He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
