please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
