he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
