can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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