saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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