Porn is love you can see.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize