Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
