All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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