She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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