K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
