I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
