it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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