when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
