I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
