Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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