Only a mothe r could love this liver
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
