Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
