I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
