I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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