actually, I'm a sock model
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
