I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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